When Pet Loss Is Hard to Put Into Words

By Nicole Vykoukal, LCSW

My dog and me on my wedding day, where he served as our ring bearer.

“She was like my child.” “He was my best friend.” “She was family.”

When someone is grieving an animal, they may reach for a familiar relationship to help another person understand the hurt. I hear this often in my work with pet loss. Sometimes the comparison feels right. Sometimes the person says it and then pauses, as if it still hasn't captured who their animal was to them.

You may have cared for your companion animal through illness and aging, arranged your days around their needs, and felt responsible for their safety. You may also have turned to them for comfort. They greeted you in their own particular way, knew the rhythms of your home, and were there through changes in your life. That combination of caregiving, companionship, and attachment can be hard to fit into a familiar category.

After a death, the loss shows up in places other people may not see: the quiet and feelings of emptiness when you come home, the time you used to feed them, the space beside you on the couch, your bedtime routine. If someone doesn't understand why those moments hurt, it can feel as though you have to prove how much your animal mattered.

You don't have to compare this grief with the loss of a child, a friend, or anyone else to make it worthy of care. And if one of those comparisons does express something true for you, you don't have to give it up. You can use the words that help, leave room for what they cannot describe, and tell stories about the relationship itself.

If you are struggling to explain your grief, or simply want a place where you don't have to, I offer pet loss counseling in Austin and online throughout Texas. We can begin with your animal, your bond, and what their absence has been like for you.

You may also find helpful: 4 Ways to Comfort Yourself after the Death of Your Companion Animal.